What Michelle Obama’s ‘Becoming’ Teaches us about Living our Best Life

I’ve decided that I want my 2019 to look like Michelle Obama’s Balenciaga boots, BOLD, GOLD and glittery.

While these statement stilettos are one representation of what many women hope their lives can look like, her memoir ‘Becoming‘ reflects an even more powerful way to walk through life.

If you haven’t read Michelle Obama’s book or been floored by viral photos of her fierce fashion choices during the book tour…. Get. Your. Life!!! I know, I know….I’m fangirling hard.

Besides the obvious popular appeal of the book, ‘Becoming’ is a thoroughly crafted and substantive account of her life up to this point. The writing reflects not only her genuine wit and unapologetic intelligence, but a vulnerability that the everyday woman can identify with.  As you jump start this new year, I thought it might be a good opportunity to pull some pearls of wisdom from the First Lady’s journey. 

Be hungry for what you want. 

There are so many beautiful examples throughout Michelle’s life where she doesn’t sit and wait for opportunities. She doesn’t ask for permission. Instead, she creates her own avenues for success. She’s her own advocate and knows the power of speaking up and going above and beyond.

The first example we see is when she starts piano lessons at the tender age of four. She flies through songbooks and swiftly moves to more advanced books, defying the strict orderly ‘rules’ set by her piano teacher (her great-aunt Robbie). Though we later learn that her aunt meant well, Michelle’s almost stubborn drive to excel quickly proves to be strength carried throughout her journey.

Another example where we see this determination at play is when she demands a do-over for a kindergarten spelling bee to prove she could spell her colors correctly. How many kindergarteners do you know who’d actually do such a thing? Pretty cool right?

In another instance, Michelle openly expresses her dissatisfaction when she realizes her elementary school teacher is a poor educator and (with the help of her mother) eventually switches classes. Even at a young age, we see how she takes life by the reigns and understands the importance of pushing the boundaries, all in the name of excellence.

In what areas of your life do you want to continue to grow and achieve more?

Don’t let ambition, kill the ‘swerve’.

While it’s important to know what you want in life and wholeheartedly pursue it, not everything in life can be perfectly anticipated. This was the case with her husband Barack. It would’ve been very easy for Michelle to dismiss Barack Obama altogether, even after his earnest interest in her and his smooth efforts to win her over.

Fresh out of law school she had an amazing resume with credentials that would surely achieve the traditional ideals of ‘success’ that so many women aspire to. Still, meeting Barack birthed something far different within her.

He challenged her ideas about purpose and passion. He also widened her view of what life might look like beyond the boundaries of ‘conventional’ success. Deep down she recognized that there was much more to her story than that which could be meticulously planned. In the end, which we now know today, she listened to the tug in her heart and chose to marry Barack, even though this Harvard whiz-kid wasn’t originally packaged in her life’s plan.

In as much as life is about setting goals, it’s also about maintaining a real openness and flexibility (the ‘swerve’ as she uniquely calls it). Plans can change and that’s okay. Having a one-track-mind can close us off from the unanticipated blessings and greater narrative of our life if we’re not aware.

On multiple occasions, she chose to expand her heart and her life for Barack, her family, and even the American people. Success lies not simply in the ability to work hard, but also to recognize and adapt to what nature places before us.

Are there areas of your life worth ‘swerving’ for?

Dedicate time for self-awareness.

In her mid-twenties, Michelle begins journaling as a way to sift through her feelings and find out where her passions lie. There are even a few sentences sprinkled throughout the book taken directly from her journals. 

It’s so important to take time to listen to ourselves and embrace the sometimes messy emotions that come throughout our daily lives. Life can be confusing at times. Having a way to parse through our thoughts and dreams can be both therapeutic and productive.

How will you make time for self-awareness this year? 

Don’t let people’s expectations limit you.

One of the most striking experiences Michelle shares is when she goes to her school counselor during her senior year at Whitney Young Magnet High School. She shares her desire to go to Princeton and her not-so-encouraging counselor tells her to aim lower because she may not be ‘Princeton material’.

Why should other people get to decide what’s really realistic for our lives? Michelle never relinquished this power.

She used the doubts of this closed-minded educator and channeled them productively into what we now know was a successful Princeton acceptance…….(sips tea).

What do you expect from yourself this year?

Don’t be too proud to ask for feedback and help when needed.

There were several watershed moments where Michelle outlines how having mentorship and wise counsel helped her navigate difficult times. The first moment was when she realized she was unfulfilled as a lawyer. Making this realization had to have been hard.

She had worked tirelessly for years to earn a position at Sidley Austin. Deep down she knew it wasn’t the right fit. Instead of remaining complacent she reached out to people who had mastered similar career shifts and learned from them.

Another meaningful example is when she and Barack went to couples counseling. Instead of letting her relationship wither, she chose to get more tools. This helped her become more aware of their communication patterns and also learn how she could make personal changes that would better impact their unique lifestyle.

Be self- affirming. 

“Am I good enough? Yes I am.”

These words echoed loudly throughout in the book as an inside look into Michelle’s own thought life. Deep down every woman wonders from time to time if they measure up.

We ask if we’re capable of balancing the challenges of life and rising to every occasion. Still, when these doubts come, Michelle responded by affirming who she is and what she’s capable of. This is a question she asked her self many times throughout the book which reflects the constant practice we all must exercise in digging deep. We must actively encourage ourselves and know that we truly are good enough.

How will you affirm who you are this year?

Define your voice.

When Michelle became First Lady one of her greatest challenges was deciding how to fulfill a job with no formal job description. Just thinking about this serious task is a lottttt …Good Lawd.

Would she do what other first ladies did? Did she have to do anything at all? What did she want to say? All of these were questions that she eventually sifted through.

Some of the most beautiful expressions of her definitive voice as FLOTUS were illustrated in her Let’s Move! children’s health initiative and the White House garden.

Her voice could also be seen in how she relaxed the dress code in the white house. She even fought to have a Halloween party for kids at the white house. Her voice was clear and impactful. She was the voice of her narrative, not the news or any other entity. It sent a clear message to the media that she would not be sitting still. It showed that she took her new role seriously and that she owned her voice.

“If you don’t get out there and define yourself, you’ll be quickly and inaccurately defined by other.”

How will you use your voice this year? What do you want to say?

Use what you have to help others. 

Let’s face it, we live in a really selfish culture. Social media doesn’t make helping others particularly ‘in style”. Everybody’s into their hustle or grind. While we should care about ourselves, stepping outside of our own individual vanity is healthy and I dare say… necessary.

There are many instances where Michelle intentionally lifts others up. She used her platform and role to help support military spouses and families.

Some of the produce grown in the White House garden was given to Miriam’s Kitchen to serve the homeless DC.  She sometimes chose to showcase up-and-coming fashion designers and designers of color instead of always choosing fashion titans like Oscar de la Renta. To this day, giving graduation speeches and interacting with schools and universities is part and parcel of her work. She states,

“When you’ve worked hard, and done well, and walked through that doorway of opportunity, you do not slam it shut behind you. You reach back and you give other folks the same chances that helped you succeed.”

Are there areas of life where you can be a help to others?

Own your story.

One thing that was so clear to me within this memoir is that in life there’s no point of arrival.  The apex of life is not one destination but, what many call ‘the process’.

Each little moment stitched in time is part of the much larger fabric of our life. What would 2019 look like if we realized that at any moment we are exactly where we should be?

Instead of avoiding or fighting challenges what if we decided to work in tandem with what they might teach us?

Can we view defeat as an opportunity rather than pure failure? What if we embraced our own narrative, regardless of how unconventional, political, amazing or basic it may seem.

Michelle Obama wants us to see that our stories are uniquely ours, and for that reason alone, they matter. Like fingerprints, every story has a uniquely written DNA. That’s worth celebrating and more importantly, living. She states:

“Success isn’t about how your life looks to others. It’s about how it feels to you. We realised that being successful isn’t about being impressive, it’s about being inspired. That’s what it means to be true to yourself.”

So this year in 2019 don’t just live your best life, own it! It’s uniquely yours. Your story has something the world needs.

****What parts of ‘Becoming’ resonate with you and your life for 2019? Any hopes for the upcoming year? Leave a comment below (this blog truly loves its readers) and don’t forget to subscribe for updates on all things singing and lifestyle .